you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
