What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
