All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
