ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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