I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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