Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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