Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
