I can tuck mytits in my pants
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We're too hungover to prance.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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