Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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