I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
