Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
