She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
