Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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