How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
