yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
