I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
