Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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