You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
