So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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