If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
