but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
