so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
