summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
