I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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