Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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