Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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