If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
