so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
