Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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