You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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