All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
