I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So squirting runs in the family.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
