i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
