This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
