When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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