Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
