I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
