we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
