my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
