Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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