is your mom at the bar?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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