How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
