Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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