do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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