Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
