Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
