I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
