I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
