I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
