So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
