i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
