Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
