do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
