God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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