He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
false alarm, still single
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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