I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
